E L R O I

Hello friends!

 

First things first, I AM FULLY FUNDED. Thank you all so much!

 

Second, I want to bring to your remembrance the story of Hagar (if you don’t know it, Genesis 16) Random, huh? Though her story is way different than mine, her feelings of loss and loneliness reflect mine in Guatemala this month. I would love to start my first month with a story that is lighthearted and praising God for good circumstances.

 

My story is about my struggle and praising God for the bad, because He is still good when the circumstances are not.

 

The first two weeks of being in Guatemala have looked nothing like I expected. I left Colorado on August 6th and spent the next week in Georgia for more training before launching. On August 12th we left the states and arrived in Guatemala. My heart was full that day with excitement and love for the people I was getting ready to encounter. My team spent the day at the AIM base where we played some soccer together, relaxed and got settled for the night. After dinner we enjoyed games as a squad and laughed A LOT. We spent the remainder of the evening in worship and prayer. It was truly an amazing start to this big adventure.

 

The next morning I woke up feeling incredibly tired and achy. I hadn’t slept much that night and had just gone from Mountain Time to EST back to MT. I figured my body was adjusting to all of this craziness. Throughout the morning we had leaders from the AIM base pour out wisdom and love to us while teaching us about the Guatemalan people and what it would look like being here for 4 weeks. Unfortunately I could hardly pay attention to all of it. I was getting incredibly overheated sitting in the room and began to realize I was definitely sick.

 

Later that day each of our teams went our separate ways and said our goodbyes for a month. We travelled to San Antonio Aguas Calientes and settled into our new home for the month. Or so I thought. Around 6 pm I passed out on my bed and didn’t get out of bed until the next morning. For the next 2 weeks I went through some hard times dealing with leaving home, Covid and leaving my new home to quarantine elsewhere. I had to abandon quite a few comforts.

 

I left my family. My home.

I left my church and friends who are dear to me.

I left my pup.

I left my routines.

I left a lot of my daily comforts.

I left my whole squad that Friday saying more goodbyes.

 

And then the Lord asked me to abandon more.

 

These were harder to grasp, honestly, because I had no choice in these.

 

My health.

My taste and smell (both of these bring comforts by memories and reminders of home).

My ability to exercise which had become important to me over the last year.

My team (I did have two other teammates go with me).

My ability to team lead close up and personally.

 

It was incredibly hard. I spent a lot of time grieving what I had lost both before and during this valley. But I read something that encouraged me in all of it:

 

Sometimes God allows you to hit rock bottom so that you will discover that He is the Rock at the bottom.

 

And what else do I really need? No one and nothing else is more sufficient than Him. He is enough. I will not say I truly grasped that at the time. I cried just about every day. 

 

Yes, God allowed me to be right in this valley and low spot for purpose. I don’t say “a” purpose because I have learned that my God is bigger then one simple answer or human purpose, and I know there will be more I gain down the road from this time. I also trust Him that there is FAR MORE that I will never know, but He does, and that is enough.

 

In abandonment of what I held as valuable, He gave me more of what He holds as valuable:

Healing

Intimacy with Him

Learning His voice

Encouragement through the body of Christ

 

There was more richness and wealth in the spiritual gain than 100 earthly or material things combined.

 

As Hagar claimed, “Thou God seest me.”

 

He saw me.

 

He saw me in my grief. He saw me in my brokenness. He saw me crying on the bathroom floor. He saw my tears sitting at the table FaceTiming family. He saw my tears as I tried to do push-ups. Seriously. Every morning I would push myself to do some exercise for my mental health and tears would stream onto the floor. This was my lowest. 

 

El Roi, the God Who sees, is MY GOD WHO SEES ME. And friend, He sees you. Whether you are on the mountain or rock bottom,

 

HE SEES YOU

 

Our struggles and rock bottoms will look different. I hope you can cling to Him as your Rock that doesn’t move. He is firm. He is a stronghold. He knows what you are enduring. He sees you. Lean into Him. He is so faithful.

 

I had three different people send me this verse. I think it was an important one for the Lord to give me three times 🙂

 

“When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.”

Isaiah 43:2